For a long time I thought the problem in my life was fear. Fear of saying the wrong things. Fear of being misunderstood. And that fear drove me, in the most powerful way. It caused me to hide. It caused me to second-guess myself. It caused me in many ways to play small. I blamed my hiding on fear.
Yesterday I had a friend challenge my thinking on fear. He said, “I don’t think your problem is fear at all. I think that’s a red herring. I think your problem is control.”
In that moment I realized that it’s not fear that’s been holding me back from stepping into some of the things I know I’m called to but it’s actually control, my need and desire and compulsion to control all things at all times.
So much of my fear around social media is not painting a proper picture for others. I want people to know just enough about me to know that I’m human and broken and learning day by day. The controlling part of me wants to build social strategy and I have no idea how to do that and so I get quiet and run away. When so much of our lives are spent online, controlling and curating, it’s difficult to know what’s real anymore.
Do you know what the opposite of fear is? It’s curiosity. It’s opening ourselves up to possibility. It’s saying that our offering is enough. It’s walking forward in trust that our efforts to love, to live, and to learn are worth it.
I’m tempted to say that the opposite of fear is joy. The opposite of fear is curiosity and trust and courage and calmness. That sounds like joy to me. The opposite of fear feels like quiet confidence.
This year I hope to have the courage to be curious.
I’m going to try some new things this year. One of those new things is partnering with an incredible woman named Elissa Joy Watts. One of those new things is piloting workshops in Toronto with her. One of those new things is following my curiosity and trusting my gut more.
One of my biggest fears has been that I don’t know what I’m doing. I just don’t. But here’s the best friggin’ news: Nobody Does.
Let’s do this, 2018. Who’s with me?