I am one of seven children.

There are numerous blessings being part of such an enormous clan. Like never being bored. Always having a playmate. Epic Christmases. Camping under the stars lined in sleeping bags like sardines. Unforgettable van rides with resident seat buddies. Always having someone to call (the phone list never runs out.) Learning stuff from big brothers. Teaching stuff to little sisters. Performing full-blown musicals with dancers, singers, choreographer and back-up. Being portioned toast and jello squares by toss from the head of the table. Filling an entire pew at church (for some reason this gave me an enormous sense of pride as a kid, like this is our row.)

In the last week and a half I have had the opportunity to twice visit with five of my six siblings (save for my sister in Australia, we miss you Lynn!), plus parents, spouses, nephews and nieces. It is a rare occurrence these days (which I am still coming to terms with) and times together are filled with good conversation, much affection and heaps of hilarity.

Like when my sister Kristen, up visiting from Las Vegas with her husband PJ and their adorable little boy Ben, says: “This might not be a real memory, this might be one of my made-up memories, but let’s just check…” before beginning a story. We all burst into side-splitting laughter. This is coming from the sister who created imaginary holidays to foreign lands and told them to her teachers while her own mother was, helpfully, one of the teachers on staff. Things usually got sorted out pretty quick. It’s moments like these that make me ache to spend time as a whole family as often as possible.

My whole life I have been focused on the good of having 6 siblings and 4 parents. And there is SO MUCH GOOD. But there are also down sides. And they seem to be growing with time.

There are more regrets. More missed moments. More misunderstanding. And more people to keep up-to-date than seems humanly possible.

I am trying to make concerted efforts to share more with my family. To call them just because. To send out emails with exciting/important news. Share more pictures. Share more of myself. But it’s hard. Even though it’s my immediate family, with so many I can feel like I am spreading myself thin. My husband has one sister and two parents, his circle is small and I am sometimes jealous of the simplicity of his arrangement. But I would never change things in my family. Never in a million years. Because we love so much. Because we Groot clan are a beautiful mess. Because we go on trying to care for each other as best as we can. And in the end that is all that matters.

Dad, Grace, Mom, Chester, Mike, Heidi, Rueben, Jesse Fin, Sloane, David, James, Jocelyn, Judah, Kristen, PJ, Ben, Michael, Madeleine, Matthew, Lynn, Barney — I love you.

Michael and Madeleine, January 2011

happiness looks like…

Madeleine’s first birthday party this weekend, at Burnaby’s Foreshore Park. Photo taken by Julia Heinenon.

Her fingers wrap around mine like a chord. Limbs darting up to tug at my linen, cotton billows, reaching out to declare: “You are mine.” Tenacious, yet layered with a heart like cream, Madeleine steals frames from faces in an instant. Translucent glass beads scattered about the floor save her from topples as she devours them with her finger folds. Snowy flesh. She is sitting better and better every day. At dawn each morning Daddy awakes to spend sleepy hours with her while I try and catch up from night waking. Enfolding one another in the day’s first light. This is our love.

Your face is an orbit. Pursed lips, supple skin. Bright eyes, like moons. A constellation.

You are a little ship, a face like an ocean cresting. Raven hair and blue eyes the size of boulders. 

I swim in your sea from day’s break to day’s end. You are my life’s greatest treasure. Lying beside you these first days has felt like a rebirth. Your soul, your face, every inch of you speaks pure. Your loveliness outshines the rainbow that nestled itself outside our window yesterday. I would spend the rest of my days gazing at your face if the world, the Lord, would allow. Instead I will take my moments, store them in my heart like gold, and watch you grow, grow, grow up into heaven, out into the world.

Image: by By-Your

It won’t be long until I’ll no longer be able to hop in a car at 10 pm and speed up the Sea to Sky for a sunny day spent with my nephews. So tonight I will indulge.

It’s a bit of a theme in my life at the moment. I have two more months before I am officially a mama and I’m basking in every moment. It’s not that I’m not looking forward to motherhood - I am, so much! - rather, I’m trying to fully embrace the seasons of life and for now I’ve got a midnight trip in me. 

Have a happy Monday!

To commemorate the occasion, my incredibly thoughtful husband brought me:

a wildly enormous bouquet of tangerine tulips from the Flower Factory: a perfect gift for this little Dutch girl.

We enjoyed a lazy brunch in Port Moody,

followed by a walk along the oceanfront at Belcarra Park, where I reminisced about my rowing days in the Howe Sound. 

I can hardly wait to welcome our little one to this wonderful world.

My nephew Jesse Fin

This photo brought me to tears today. I miss this little man. I miss my family.

With the power of my new MacBook Air and the dust of Christmas travel settled, I thought I’d recount our trip to North to celebrate Christmas with Michael’s family.

December 23

3:15 p.m. :: Complete Air Canada web check-in for our December 24th flight to Mackenzie (via Prince George) and sign up for text updates.

3:33 p.m. :: Start three loads of laundry in the basement laundry room.

3:35 p.m. :: Receive the following text: “Flight AC 8201 CANCELLED.” 

3:36 p.m. :: Call Air Canada. Find out the next possible flight is on December 26. Thrust the phone at Michael to avoid verbally abusing the AC phone attendant. Begin stuffing our suitcases with wild enthusiasm. 

3:40 p.m. :: Determine to fly standby tonight. Call for a cab, none of which are available for at least two hours. Make a panicked call to my mom and stepdad for a ride. They happily concede. I rejoice.

3:43 p.m. :: Collect our wet laundry and deposit it in garbage bags, flinging sheets and towels on any available counter space. *Carefully* rip all Christmas ornaments off the tree.

3:46 p.m. :: Stop and pray, at Michael’s suggestion. No doubt our best spent minute in the past three days.

4:00 p.m. :: Three suitcases and two carry-ons, a dishwasher running and two runs to the garbage bin later and my stepdad, Chester, arrives.

4:15 p.m. :: Called Michael’s parents to let them know the plan, they suggest the overnight Loser Cruiser Greyhound. The snow is coming overnight. Okay, we say. Book us. They land us the last two seats. We readjust our coordinates to the First and Terminal train station.

4:45 p.m. :: Chester suggests a bite to eat at a Mexican spot on Victoria. We dine on the best tacos and fresh salsas ever. A welcome breather in what promises to be a long night.

5:45 p.m. :: Arrive at Pacific Central and unload. Have ourselves a scare. Our bus, it turns out, is the only one leaving that night and no tickets are being sold on the premises. I go for a Starbucks run and make a deposit at VanCity, the only errand that doesn’t get scrapped.

7:30 p.m. :: My feet begin to freeze. A combination of bad footwear choice, cotton socks and the shoulders of snow throughout the city. Plus I am fighting a cold. I go in hunt of socks. My only find: blue children’s Christmas socks at the train station gift shop. I cough up the $6.99 and am the better for it.

9:30 p.m. :: Our scheduled 8:45 bus departs. We are making it home for Christmas.

Fast forward two days, multiple Christmas festivities, a half dozen games of Skip-Bo, a lunch of turkey sandwiches and you’ll find me happily staving off the -30 degree weather, sitting in front of the Crook’s trademark 15 foot Christmas tree watching a dusting of snow pass by the windowpane.    

::  A BLESSED CHRISTMAS TO ONE AND ALL  ::

button, handmade with love at the regional assembly of text’s button making station

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!