Category — Expecting

I am spending my last weeks writing. Combing through pages, scraps, post-its, binders and journals that make up my book. The one I have been working on for 1.5 years. 

Soon everything will change. Irreversibly. Forever. We will welcome our child into this world with trembling arms. We will mess up. Drop him/her. Give her/him all the love we’ve got. 

I stare at my growing body and marvel. I walk across the street to Save-On-Foods for the free air conditioning and walk home smiling. 

I am trying to relish every moment with Michael because I am all too aware of the fact that our relationship will never be the same again. It will never be ‘just us’ again and I love us. Yes, we are gaining the most incredible gift in the world but I am also experiencing a real sense of loss. I will never be woman — independent and fierce — again. And yet I will be more. I will be mother. 

These days feel surreal. I am slow-moving, yet I am accomplishing much. A baby is nearly ready to be born — inside my body — baking, daily. I am preparing my heart, my mind and our home to welcome our child. Michael and I are freezing fresh berries, preparing meals, and today (against better judgement) I baked dozens of oatmeal chocolate chunk cookies and loaves of banana bread, for the days when we can barely keep our eyes open. We’ve bought our stroller, folded the onesies, checked off the labour list, and now — for a few more weeks — we wait. 

My mom came over the other night. I asked her about her labours. All but one of her children (the last) came 5-10 days early. So we may be meeting our son/daughter sooner than we think. 

These are amazing — real, emotional, overwhelming, exciting, full — days.

Thank you for sharing them with me, friends.

Here are some recent shots:

Growing and (subsequently) slowing. 

Hanging out with the newest addition to the Lim family: Eliana!

Discovering some parental perks.

Indulging in some of Vancouver’s finest dining (here, at the Vancouver Club).

Still managing to dress-up.

Savouring Friday evenings patio-side. (Here, enjoying carrot cake at Subeez with Matthew Cowper).

Working…

Here, at Main Street’s Bean Around the World, writing my Comment column. 

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Photos to come: A final pre-baby getaway to Victoria and a recent day spent on Bowen Island. 

Staring at items
on the table.
Which shall I move?
What’s the plan of attack?

One… two… ten… eighteen…
staring back at me.

There are too many!
Where do they live?
Finally, after too many minutes of consideration,
I declare to a single item:

“YOU: tape dispenser!
I am moving you to the office! Now.”

One item at a time.
Back and forth.
My multitasking brain now
mush.

Help. me. please. 

Image from Life in Motion Photography

My dear friend and doula, Avital, sent me a link to the most beautiful birth video I’ve ever seen. It’s a montage of black and white photos chronicling a home birth, and the most convincing ‘literature’ I’ve come across to encourage natural birth.

I encourage you to watch it.  

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Expect the next installment of Expecting: Poetry Monday morning.

I am a female version of Gumby.
My hands like Jello.
Standing, clearing the table
a new ceramic bowl, now,
a thousand pieces
strewn across the floor.

Here are a few recent shots: 

At the salon (looking a little tired)

At home (my tank tops naturally make their way up like that, there’s no keeping them over the bump anymore) 

The tummy dip is rounding out nicely. It just took a bit of patience (something I’m learning a lot about these days — patience tying/trying to reach my shoes, patience remembering things, etc, etc.) Only about 8 weeks to go!

So, I splurged.

Yesterday we celebrated Father’s Day with a visit to my dad and stepdad, but before stepping out of the house my husband got to experience his very first father’s day:

Eggs Benny. Homemade Hollandaise. Fruit Salad. Bacon. Fresh coffee. A letterpress card.

And tickets! to see Death Cab at the Coliseum next month. Woohoo!

I read this interesting article about how to bond with your preborn baby over the weekend. Apparently baby will be rocking out at the concert with us!

“Concert-going mothers report their preborn babies jump at the sudden sound of drums. In fact, from at least the 23rd week on, a preborn baby’s hearing is developed enough to enable him to respond to outside noise… Even the five-month-old fetus has been found to have discriminating musical ears.”  - From 7 Ways to Bond with your Preborn Baby 

And now Michael is off to Toronto for a week of work. Darling, I miss you already.

At Jen’s request, I’m sharing another pregnancy poem. Much less funny but just as honest, I hope:

You, my child.

My darling child,
your hands, as webs,
reach out to touch my insides.
“Mommy, I am here.”
You knit my womb and heart
together with strings.
Your smile already my companion.

My angel,
you speak to me through your
rumblings,
coursing blood, water, tears
out from my fingertips.
I imagine your steps,
giant, small
and wonder at your nature.

I crawl, small, into my Father’s hands,
whispering thanks,
gasping for all the Love
in the world there is to give,
because you deserve it
my darling.

I imagine your face wrinkled, calm.
swimming through your
childhood, already begun.
I marvel at your daring heart,
already,
wishing nothing but hope and
promise and life -
lovely things, lovely things
for you.

You wake now, with passion
stirring like earth quakes,
as I pray.
your voice calling out
“amens”.
I can hear you saying your
yeses. saying yes to the world.

“Yes world, I am coming.”
 
i love you.  
- mama

Image: by By-Your

It won’t be long until I’ll no longer be able to hop in a car at 10 pm and speed up the Sea to Sky for a sunny day spent with my nephews. So tonight I will indulge.

It’s a bit of a theme in my life at the moment. I have two more months before I am officially a mama and I’m basking in every moment. It’s not that I’m not looking forward to motherhood - I am, so much! - rather, I’m trying to fully embrace the seasons of life and for now I’ve got a midnight trip in me. 

Have a happy Monday!