Category — Expecting

…almost. 

:::

It’s been a rough week. Madeleine and I were both hit with a terrible stomach flu following our delightful weekend in Victoria. Birthday festivity pictures to come. (English Inn Resort! Raw Canvas! Shopping in Vic!) And poetry. Oh yes.

Dear One,

I feel like I am in a holding pattern. Waiting for you. Waiting to see your face, smooth as milk. Your almond eyes, bright as the sunset, blue.

The heat is unbearable. I spend my days finding creative ways to escape swollen ankles, upset stomach, sweaty brow.

I wish we were together, you and I. Sitting by water’s edge. My feet dipped in the shore. You, nursing. I long to know you, my dear one. The longing calls out from the bowels, deep. I feel my womb, groaning, to birth you into the world. The thought of it calls me to tears.

Believe me Dear, I have all the love in the world for you. Your eyes will be my treasure, forever. I fear ever letting you go, ever letting the world reach out its blackened hands to touch you.

I imagine your tiny fingers curled, clasping my pinky. Your gentle eyes combing my face. Pure joy. I long to meet such innocence. To meet you, my dear one. Our angel.

We are reaching out our hands. Won’t you come to meet us?

Love Mama

– July 30, 2009

Your face is an orbit. Pursed lips, supple skin. Bright eyes, like moons. A constellation.

You are a little ship, a face like an ocean cresting. Raven hair and blue eyes the size of boulders. 

I swim in your sea from day’s break to day’s end. You are my life’s greatest treasure. Lying beside you these first days has felt like a rebirth. Your soul, your face, every inch of you speaks pure. Your loveliness outshines the rainbow that nestled itself outside our window yesterday. I would spend the rest of my days gazing at your face if the world, the Lord, would allow. Instead I will take my moments, store them in my heart like gold, and watch you grow, grow, grow up into heaven, out into the world.

We welcomed our little girl one week ago today. Madeleine Jacoba Hope.

Madeleine comes from the root ‘Magdalen’ meaning ‘High Tower.’ Therefore she is named after Mary Magdalene and also the wonderful writer, Madeleine L’Engle. Jacoba (pronounced Yacoba) is my grandmother’s middle name, common to the Dutch, which shares the same Hebrew root as my brother James’ name. Hope is a word that has particularly captured me this year (I wrote about it here.) Also, we felt the name appropriate due to to the amount of times we had to reach out to Jesus for hope during her labour and delivery. It was a long journey to meet our little girl. 

Madeleine weighed in at 9 lbs 11 oz after 81 hours of labour, start to finish. Although we laboured almost entirely at home, she was delivered naturally by our midwives at Burnaby General Hospital in the wee hours of the morning. Mommy was too tired to go anymore without a little help (a small amount of IV Oxytocin.)

Our new life with Madeleine:

In the words of Madeleine L’Engle, one of our little girl’s namesakes: “Jesus was not a theologian. He was God who told stories.”

Our prayer is that our little one will tell the story of Christ through her beautiful, adventurous, and marvelous life. 

Here are two photos of me from yesterday, at 40 weeks, which means I am full term today. Thank you Gaetanne for a wonderful afternoon.

Photos by Gaetanne Leduc of Then Comes Marriage Photography.

No baby yet. I feel like my life is just one big tease. Contractions. No contractions. On. Off. On. Off. This little boy/girl likes my belly too much. It’s warm in there, you know. Quite pleasant, really. 

Here are some recent belly shots to bide the time:

Photos by Avital Kline

So, when do you think our bundle of joy is coming? Will it be a boy or a girl? And how much will s/he weigh? Post your predictions!

Date:
Gender:
Weight: 

Whoever is closest will win a prize! I am going to think of something exciting to mail you in the meantime… (Hint: the due date is August 27, though it changed once to the 19th, after a 20-week ultrasound.)

Let the guessing begin!

looks like:

Michael set up the birth tub in our living room the other night. He made sure to practice contractions.

The baby has dropped. I feel like I have one endless menstrual cramp pulsing in my lowerds (read: lower abdomen). I am having the early warning signs. Yet, I’m still two weeks until due. And I am T-I-R-E-D. 

You know you need to get out of the house when…

at 10 AM you are rationalizing settling into a movie with a pint of ice cream in tow. Realizing my insanity (and not a moment too soon) I promptly dressed in real clothes and left for Starbucks. There is something about public that requires productivity.

The morning’s achievement: three magazine queries sent, procrastination avoided.

It’s not every day that you arrive at a party and are promptly crowned with roses. It’s not every week that you get to see a dozen of your nearest and dearest collected in a single room, smiling back at you. But that’s what happened Sunday.

This was the scene of my ‘blessingway’ — a rite of passage into motherhood, organized by my dear friends Avital and Marisa.

They read from Psalm 139: “You know when I sit down and when I rise up… You knit me together in my mother’s womb.” They each brought beautiful glass beads to make me a necklace and shared blessings for me, many written on lovely paper, cards and postcards I can treasure forever. We shared a meal. And, at the end, they laid hands on my shoulders and prayed for me, Michael and our baby — praying for a peaceful labour, a wonderful transition into motherhood, and that through becoming parents Michael and I would fall in love with each other all over again.

I am truly blessed.